Week 16, 23-29/04/13
Tuesday 23/04/13
Today we had meetings with our leaders to see how we were
going and to just let us know where they think we can improve, if we are on
track etc. I was one of the last students to be interviewed, with Peter. I won’t
go into detail, but I did get a lot of positive feedback and just shared about
what I was learning. So I defiantly left WC that day in a very happy and self
confidence mood; and unknown to me at the time God had a nice big needle to pop
my nice big head the following day and thus the sharp change in how I thought I
was going gave me quite a shock.
Wednesday 24/04/13
Well today was a very interesting day with a lot of intense discipleship
straight from God himself. Today myself and some of the other students got into
some trouble because we were talking and it came as a bit of a shock for me
because I didn’t realise e were meant to be quiet. Anyway the circumstances
were basically a sudden change in the normal schedule of expecting someone to
come and open the day, however we were apparently meant to start on our own but
instead we were talking. So we were sent out for a timeout and then as a part
of our punishment we watered the church gardens.
So from this as you could imagine I didn’t feel guilty and
was also very mad and angry; but in the back of my mind and in the bottom of my
heart was that small little voice saying, there’s something to learn here. Even
though the punishment may not have specifically taught me to shut up (even
though I can tell you I try not to make a peep anymore in class) I did learn a
few things from this experience and looking back I learnt more in those two
hours then I would have in a whole week or maybe even more. Firstly I think
there was this giant stack of wood in me that had been growing over the months
and this was just the match that lit her up and I decided to let it burn out so
for the next two days I was basically fuming furious to say the least. However
I did eventually come down and I had a lot of other thoughts and feelings in between;
and looking back even though we weren’t aware of it, we were in the wrong and
were just being loud at the wrong place and wrong time and were made an example
of, nothing more and nothing less than that. I think the hardest thing was to
just trying to figure out how do you accept rebuke, I mean it creates an
awkward tension between two people and you feel like you have to hate each
other but you don’t want it to be that way.
And so this is where I learnt about loving people for better
or for worse. I thought about it and made my own definition of what love is; ‘Loving
someone is caring for the without necessarily liking them. And so through this
I learnt that even though I might not like some people at the moment I did
still love them and knew that my anger would soon pass in due time.
I learnt that people older and who have authority over you
have bad days too. That as kids you always just take for granted or are too naive
to realise the mistakes of grownups, but as you start to become one you realise
that everyone has faults no matter their position. So I learnt to have
compassion for people and to be eagerly willing to forgive people above me in
the same way that they do for me. I think before that I was very selfish in
that way and if someone wronged me (not that I was necessarily wronged in the
situation this time) I would just write them off and just pity myself and how I
had been hurt. But this has awoken me to the fact that I don’t know what
someone might be going through and here I am judging and accusing them straight
away without a second thought. Imagine how many people wronged Jesus yet every time
all the way to the cross and beyond, forgave with no catch; that is true love.
I mean how many times do we stuff up in a day and carry on likes it Gods fault
or the devils fault and then we get to that stage were the thing we blew way
out of proportion was really something quite simple and then God is like ‘so
can we move on yet?’.
I also learnt that I may actually have an anger problem. I
learnt that before I end up with this giant pile of wood waiting to be lit on
fire, I should be giving each twig, stick, branch and log to God as they come
instead of letting it build up until it just explodes. I have in my past done
some nasty and stupid things because of my anger, but I am thankful to God he
kept my concealed so that I didn’t repeat previous mistakes. It’s no fun to mad
at someone you love and in the end weather your right or wrong the best thing
is to apologise for what you did or allegedly did wrong and to find closure to
the problem. And so that is what I did, I sought reconciliation with people and
thus I now feel at peace and can look back and see the mega lessons I have learnt
in a week that some people take their whole lives to learn, and I am thus
thankful to God for that. If Ii hadn’t been rowdy and sent out, chances are I
would have been a snob to those kicked out and what good would have that done;
even though it was tough to be kicked out as ‘bad person’ it was tough love
from God and my leaders and I defiantly am not the same person as I was last
Monday and that is something to be extremely thankful to God for.
Thursday 25/04/13
Well today was again a very interesting and confusing day.
As the students of Watoto 360 we brainstormed and donated money to achieve a
list of things that we believed an orphanage called Gods grace could benefit
from. Again I ‘m not going to go into to full detail about everything because
it is overwhelming for me to try and even think about explaining the extent of
God’s Grace orphanage etc. So after culling a lot of things that were defiantly
not necessities we had a list including food stiffs, mosquito nets and tooth
brushes. I personally don’t believe that the tooth brushes are a wise investment
because at the moment just feeding the kids is a problem for the orphanage and
in reality as much as we feel that tooth brushes are a necessity they are not
as I’m not sure they would even be aware of hygiene of tooth brushes etc. So in
our meeting there was a lot of arguing about what was necessity and was not,
for example shoe polish was on our list, for goodness sakes these kids don’t
even have shoes. But none the less it was interesting to see the different
opinions in relation to the different lives that people have lived. So after a
lot of tiring arguing and succumbing to some not so wise decisions in my
opinion we had our list and a budget that would just cover the food. I can
happily say that the budget to meet all our items actually has been reached and
this Wednesday the items will have been purchased and we will all go to deliver
them. So I was very happy to be home
after a late night with bible study, the stress from Wednesday and the
exhaustion from today.
Friday, Saturday
& Sunday 26-28/04/13
So these days all just blend together and it was a big God
moment basically with all our lessons applying to what I had gone through this
week and quiet often I found myself really seeing Gods humour and asking the
ceiling “Jesus, is that you?”. One of our speakers taught us about the journey
of an experience and the different milestones that you generally meet. In
simplified terms he said that you might go somewhere (like 360) and have this
huge expectations and the experience rises with the optimism. Then you will
reach a reality check were you have ups and downs and you see something for
what it actually is. Then the experience will level out and you will really get
into a routine and life will go on with understanding of where you are and
where you’re vaguely going. Then towards the end you will meet ‘The Big Test’ which
is something that gives you an actual excuse to throw the bucket in and quiet something
will happen that really test who you are,
and from there you will either fail or succeed and rise to the challenge.
For me this week has been my big test and the deciding factor to if I would
start walking the end of my race or sprint the last 100 meters.
Then one night I had a dream about the end of Watoto 30
after listening to a sermon about living in the moment. Anyway I was struck
with the fear of God about how attached I have come to our house, the people I
live with and just the routine I have gotten into. I had a dream about the last
day when Peter has come to take us to the airport and were all standing in the
doorway with our bags and just staring at each other and the house and the
daunting fact that we will never be in this situation ever again. And it will
be awful and a real dose of grief as we look back and remember all the things
we did and everything we have done. And then when we get home I will step off
that plane and feel like it was only yesterday that I got onto it and it will
feel like I have been in another whole dimension for the last six months. It’s
gonna be crazy and I am sure that I will defiantly cry on that last day, that
last night, the last everything you know. I mean we only have six weeks left
and then this whole thing is over. I think the dream was just a real revelation
to how incredible this whole thing is, like living in Africa for six months
especially when the longest time away from my family has been two weeks, just
how much I have changed and all the incredible things I have actually done;
things that you read about or see on TV I can say I have actually done. And the
people, I feel like I have known these people all my life and can’t imagine my
life without have knowing them. I just can’t. It must just have been a mile
stone for me because something has just clicked over and I am starting to fear
the end, which is very funny when for the last four months even though I have
enjoyed my time I have also been looking forward to going home. But now I
understand what everyone has been meaning about being sad to leave this life, this
season of life that has brang people from totally different backgrounds,
nationalities, to a totally new world and under one roof. I think such extraordinary
circumstances have to extraordinary effects on the people involved.
I have also really learnt to be in the moment and to stop be
alway looking forward to the next thing. I know personally as a person ounce I
get somewhere I am always looking forward to the next thing and I forget to
take in everything that the day has to offer. So I have really learnt that
where you look forward to something or just focus on where you are the future
will come at the same speed either way. You just have to be in the moment because
ounce it’s gone you never get it back. I will never get a second chance to be
in Watoto 360 and although I have defiantly been enjoying it I haven’t been
totally mentally here. However I can assure you, myself and God I will be
totally here for the next short six weeks that will be over before I know it
and I don’t want to get home and wish I was back here because I regret not
doing things, I want to wish I was back because I am missing the incredible
moments I had here, the people I me and the experiences only some get in their
life.
It will be strange stepping back into my same
old place at home and then just that strange feeling standing in my house and remembering
I have just been in flipping Africa for six months but that feeling that you
never left. And it is so easy to just snap back into that same routine and not
really change, but I think it is that moment of feeling like you never left
that you decide that you’re going to start making a difference in your life,
the lives of others and you community. At least that’s the way I feel about the
reason behind this whole adventure. And in some ways I could ramble on forever
about this revelation I have had but in the end unless you experience it for
yourself you will never know what I have done and what I think. When I get home
I don’t want people to ask me what I have learn or ask how it was in some ways,
I want them to see the dramatic changes and maybe just be inspired to do things
like this that are challenging, but boy oh boy do they make you grow so fast
and you either rise to the occasion or stay where you are. So that’s a little
something of how I have been feeling this week and yes it has defiantly been a
week of asking one question over and over “Jesus, is that you?”.
Monday 29/04/13
Today was very relaxed with watching movies and painting and
eating and skyping. I have really grown to loving skyping my family and I think
being away has taught me to appreciate them in such a whole new way that I can’t
even describe and you probably don’t want to after seeing how Sunday Friday to
Sunday was. As you can see this week has taught me heaps of stuff and I can
only hope this new energy to take in every moment for what it is and be in the
moment stays and helps me finish this race sprinting so fast you don’t even see
me cross the finish line.
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